How to be lazy

Since I am a self-professed expert in the field of ‘being lazy,’ I feel as though I have the experience needed to help you be lazy as well.

In a year’s time, I would have graduated university with a BA degree majoring in procrastination and laziness, rather than Classics and International Relations, like I had originally expected. I was once so young and naive.

Here are my top 7 tips to being lazy:

1. Wake up after 12 pm. 

If you wake up any earlier, you are not doing it right. You must have at least slept half of the day to qualify as lazy. Additionally, waking up at this time gives you the fun choice of food. Should you eat breakfast or lunch? You could eat brunch. Or you could eat all three. It’s your lazy life.

2. Check social media sites repeatedly.

After all, they change so often. Refresh regularly. Check out Facebook, Youtube, Instagram, WordPress and such sites for at least three hours. Ignore any desires for food or toilet breaks – you are too lazy for that!

3. Walk.

To the fridge. The shut the fridge door after gazing at the lack of prepared food available. You know, the food that require little to no energy to make.

4. Complain to mom or dad.

If not available, complain to the closest human being or post your complaint online. If they are anything like mine, your parents will either do nothing (aka make you starve) or suggest fruit and vegetables as an option.

5. Return to your computer to see how much the world has changed in twenty minutes. 

6. Spend the rest of the night gazing at screens.

The more screens, the better.

7. Fall asleep due to great exertion resulting from a day of laziness. 

And repeat the next day.

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