Shit To Put in your Bag

Below I have provided a list of items I carry around with me in my bag. I have also given my personal names for such items.

1. Water bottle aka portable liquid carrier.

Has dual functions: carries and disperses liquids for drinking and cleaning up messes. Can be filled up at the nearest tap, preferably a water tap rather than a beer keg.

Avoid paying the amount you could have spent on a new car for a bottle of water in public. Bring a portable liquid carrier with you.

2. Chapstick aka wax for your lips.

BEWARE: you will probably lose this item before you can finish it. Not for eating.

3. Tissues aka paper for your face.

Thank you trees for this product.

4. Wallet aka money filler.

Children – insert your parents money here.

Students – insert the government’s money and your parents’ money here.

Parents – insert pictures of your children here, in place of where your money once was.

5. Cell phone aka brilliant machine used for communication and games.

Device often glued to one’s face.

Once a brick, now a small device with a glass screen that breaks when dropped. 


According to my Grandma, an alien machine used for who knows what reasons.

6. Breath mints aka peppermint fun in a tin.

7. Keys aka door openers.

After collecting these useful items, you can then conveniently lose them all in a bag aka a shit carrier.

These come in the forms of handbags, man bags, laptop bags, purses, back packs, fanny packs (avoid if you like having friends), tote bags and many more.

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