Loneliness is like a wave
Like the tide, it comes rushing in
Into the beach and back out again
Without any signal or warning
Have you ever dug a hole at the beach? You are successful until, without warning, the tide rushes in and collapses the hole. Often you are still inside it. Your walls crash in around you and there is nothing you can do. Rebuild maybe, or change the location of the hole. The danger of the tide coming in will always exist. This is what loneliness feels like to me.
Loneliness comes and goes out of my life as people change, situations change and even I change. I cannot escape the feeling of being lonely, as I have discovered.
The only cure to loneliness is time.
At age 17, I moved to Canada, a foreign country with new people, enticing food and unfamiliar cultures. Once the excitement of moving to a new country had washed away, the realisation of how alone I was kicked in.
I struggled to meet like-minded people at the new high school I was enrolled in. Six months into my stay, I made class-mates but they would never become friends. They were awesome girls I saw everyday in classes but never saw out of school. I felt too afraid to ask them to hang out, fearful of rejection. My accent in combination with my soft voice and tendency to speak quickly made it difficult for people to understand me. I was reluctant to travel to new places by myself, so I confined myself in my room and classes. I missed my friends, my parents and home.
I could only comfort myself by counting down the days until I flew back to New Zealand. When my plane touched down in Wellington and I saw my mum’s sobbing face, the loneliness suddenly disappeared. I was home again.
For the rest of my life, waves of loneliness will come and go. I will welcome new people into my life and say goodbye to others. New situations will arise, many of which will be out of my control. There will be times when I feel lonely but somehow I know that I will be fine.